Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
