You're my little dorito
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
