have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
