These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
