; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
