So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
...so i touched it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
