Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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