I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
