Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(647): View more from Ontario

she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.

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(708): View more from Illinois

My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.

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(404): View more from Georgia

First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.

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(509): View more from Washington

Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.

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(540): View more from Virginia

I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.

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(516): View more from New York

Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.

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(650): View more from California

you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'

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(509): View more from Washington

You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.

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