Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
