Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
