I want you more than these girls want KFC
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
