I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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