billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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