Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
