dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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