He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
