I want to stick my p in your. b.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
