Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
