When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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