Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
