I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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