i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
