I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
