So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
