She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
