my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
