he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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