I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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