What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
