i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
