mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
