A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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