Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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