The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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