Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
