1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
