She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
