VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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