I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
FUCK WHALES
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
