Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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