no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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