Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
this is an emotional support booty call
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
