____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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