forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
