At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
