i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
