what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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