Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
