you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
