I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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