i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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