Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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