Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
All I want is dick and wine.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
