Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
