College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
