i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
