hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
