Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
