I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
