If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
