I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
