I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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