i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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