Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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