I wish my penis had an off switch
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
