Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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