Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
